Women must be allowed to make money

This is 2024

One of the things we’ve learned as a result of this year’s presidential election is that adult males in the US have 0.4 friends on average.

And that’s part of the reason why Trump won: while women are going out to restaurants in groups of 8-10, ordering $40 entrees, eating half of them and sending them back to the kitchen because they’re not properly seasoned, men are sitting around in their underwear listening to podcasts where misinformation is being spread.

On a recent episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast, he suggested that Bigfoot is real. If a nutty 4chan youth was willing to shoot up a pizza restaurant in an attempt to investigate QAnon, what’s stopping one of Joe Rogan’s listeners from shooting an especially large woman thinking it’s Bigfoot?

When was the last time anyone saw Black Lives Matter founder Tarana Burke? It might already be too late.

With more and more men failing at education and hence employment, and with Kamala Harris having failed miserably, it’s more important than ever that women are able to make a living—and that’s just part of the reason why I stand with OnlyFans creator Sophie Rain.

Yesterday, while the less ambitious among us were eating turkey, macaroni and cheese and the superior cranberry sauce in gel form with our relatives, Rain took to X f/k/a Twitter to announce that she was thankful for having made $48 million in the past year on OnlyFans. She backed up this claim by posting a screenshot of what must be the page on the thot exploitation website where you can check your subscription revenue.

I took the fact that she chose this as the way to celebrate Thanksgiving, along with the fact that she has an OnlyFans in the first place, as a sign that she doesn’t have a father and possibly not anyone else to have dinner with, and rubbing her financial success in our faces might be a coping mechanism. Can going to sleep on a bed made of money ever compare to arguing about Trump with people who didn’t go to college? I feel like I could find better things to do, if I were Sophie Rain, but I’m more creative than she is.

20-plus years ago, the cast of “Friends” were famously paid $2 million an episode each for that show’s final season. Because a season of network television lasts 22 episodes, that works out to $44 million. I did the math. Sophie Rain made $4 million more than that, and she’s not even especially attractive. Real heads know that Lisa Kudrow was secretly the hottest cast member on “Friends,” even though she was cast as the comic relief. Imagine if she had an OnlyFans circa 1998. It might have changed the course of my life.

Not everyone buys that Sophie Rain makes $4 million a month on OnlyFans. Adam22, who discovered all of the guest artists on the new Kendrick Lamar album, suggested that anyone who believes that is lacking in intelligence, using a slur for the developmentally disabled. I can see why he wouldn’t want to believe that. His wife had to do something a lot worse for a lot less money. Is Sophie Rain really that much more attractive than Lena the Plug? I’d suggest that she isn’t, but I’m not enough of an expert on ethnically ambiguous women with mediocre bodies to offer an informed opinion. Similarly, I wouldn’t try to explain to an Inuit why a certain kind of ice is superior to another kind of ice. I wasn’t even aware that there were different kinds of ice.

Currently, the top-earning creator on OnlyFans is Danielle Bregoli a/k/a Bhad Bhabie. Unfortunately, it was recently announced that Bhad Bhabie has cancer. She was left with no choice but to offer an explanation after being photographed looking like Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo on the press tour for Wicked. It’s likely that she’ll soon be surpassed by Sophie Rain.

Bregoli received criticism for launching an OnlyFans the moment she turned 18 (I heard there was a countdown), famously earning $1 million in her first six hours on the site and $18 million in her first month. To think, if she’d waited, she might not have been able to make any money at all, nor would she have any money for her cancer treatments. It just goes to show the importance of women being proactive about making a living at a time when men are getting all of their information from podcasts.