Remy Ma belongs to the streets
Hip-hop romance is truly dead
Imagine remaining in a committed relationship with a woman for six years, while she did hard time in prison, only for her to step out on you with a guy who calls himself Eazy the Block Captain.
I googled this clown, and apparently he has an album out called Himothy: Chapter 1. He’s not important enough to be in Wikipedia, but he looks to be about 26 (spiritually, if not chronologically). Unless he’s been allowed to move in with Remy Ma, he almost certainly lives at home with his mom.
He’s considered the block captain because all the other guys who live on his block are the normal age for someone who still lives at home, like a rap game Wooderson from Dazed and Confused.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Papoose didn’t make sweet, passionate love to a woman the entire time Remy Ma was locked up, if only because his facial hair was never quite right. It made sense for him to try to marry someone who was in prison and hence had fewer options.
Also, I never believed that he got $1.5 million when he signed to whatever label he was on back in the ‘00s. The deal may have been structured in a way that made it look like it was worth that much, on paper, for tax write-off purposes, but he obviously never received enough to stop looking ashy.
I doubt the facility Remy Ma was in had conjugal visits. Women’s prison isn’t truly difficult or dangerous, so there’s no need to provide them with any sort of relief. Plus, if they get pregnant, they could try to argue that they should be allowed to leave before their sentence is up.
The worst thing about this, to me, is that this guy Eazy the Block Captain also has weird facial hair. He has one of those Philly beards, but it’s in the form of a chin strap. He almost looks like he could be Papoose’s son. Remy Ma must have a type.
It’d be one thing if Remy Ma stepped out on Papoose with a guy who was handsome, with a successful career and a normal-sounding name, but not this clown!
You could definitely see Papoose somewhere this weekend eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (the Jimmy Fallon flavor, nullus) for self-care purposes, with a candle burning and a Brian McKnight CD playing, thinking to himself, What does Eazy the Block Captain have that I don’t?
On Twitter, people have turned up a video of Remy Ma and Eazy at a rap battle looking at each other like they’ve obviously been fucking and a photo of the two of them eating coconut shrimp and Cheddar Bay biscuits at a Red Lobster.
If Papoose and Remy Ma still have joint bank accounts, that means that Papoose paid for those coconut shrimp (at least legally). There’s no way Eazy the Block Captain had enough money to pay the bill. I wonder if the waitress even set the check in front of him.
They usually ask black parties if they want multiple checks, and that may have given Remy the opportunity to announce that she was treating, as if there was any question.
If Eazy the Block Captain’s bars are just that strong, I could see why Remy Ma might look at him a certain way at a rap battle, but there’s no way they’d just be platonically having coconut shrimp and Cheddar Bay biscuits at a Red Lobster.
If there’s any justice left in this world, Papoose ought to be able to print off that photo on an inkjet printer, bring it into any court in America, show it to a judge and be granted a divorce, full custody and possibly some sort of financial judgment in his favor. He went above and beyond for Remy Ma. He deserved a lot better than this.