PUFF DADDY INNOCENT !!!!!!!!!!

Take that, take that

I think most reasonable people can agree that Puff Daddy’s preferred sexual activities, many of which involve more than one guy, are unacceptable. But that’s beside the point. Other than putting a shoe on Cassie, what crime did he commit?

It’s only right that a jury of his peers found him not guilty of all but a couple insignificant charges of providing transportation to prostitutes. We can only hope that a judge, or whoever decides the sentencing, sees fit to let him off with time served—and maybe even compensates him for the time that he did serve, since I don’t think you should have to go to jail just for giving someone a ride to work.

Whoever came up with that law obviously never worked in fast food. Otherwise, he’d understand that some people just plain aren’t gonna show up to work if you don’t give them a ride. The fact that they live along a bus route is neither here nor there. If they had the sense to provide their own transportation to work, they wouldn’t be manning the fry station at a Hardee’s.

It’s not clear to me how Diddy was found guilty of providing transportation to prostitutes and not any number of other things, including breaking a foot off in Cassie’s ass, which they’ve got him on video doing. Was the evidence of him flying male sex workers out somehow more convincing than the video of him chasing Cassie down that hotel hallway with a towel wrapped around his waist? Was he the one flying the plane?

I know Diddy had his own plane that he was trying to rent out to raise money for his legal defense. He was also trying to unload at least one of his houses, but I don’t think he could find any bidders. People knew what went on in those bedrooms. Arabs will pay tens of millions of dollars for a house and never even live there, as a flex, but not if anything teh ghey happened on the premises. Whereas with a plane, you can easily paint over where it said Bad Boy Entertainment on the side of it and pretend that it belonged to someone else. Install an e-meter in the cabin and tell people it used to belong to Tom Cruise.

We can only conclude that the assault on Cassie was deemed justifiable based on evidence that wasn’t presented to the public. We were fortunate enough to be able to see the hotel-hallway video on CNN, many of us multiple times, but there may have been a lengthier version of that video shown to the jury, along with video of the freak-offs. Cassie may have said something to Diddy in the moments immediately preceding him chasing her down that hallway that led him to want to punt her head as if it were a football.

Or it may have just been a matter of her giving an unspirited performance during a freak-off. Diddy didn’t pay all that money flying people out, potentially putting his own freedom at risk, just for her to lie there like a dead fish. It’s possible that she’d been run through to the point that even the Punisher couldn’t get a rise out of her, but she could have at least pretended, as much as Diddy was paying for those hotel rooms, pallets of baby oil, pink cocaine and what have you. Recall the scene in the movie What’s Love Got to Do with It? where Tina doesn’t put enough stank on her vocals, leaving Ike with no choice but to go upside her head, hurting his own hand in the process.

It’s also not clear to me why Diddy was denied bail while he awaits sentencing on the basis that he’s committed domestic violence, when he wasn’t found guilty of domestic violence. Make it make sense! The judge is obviously biased against black people, and it might be necessary to bring that up when they appeal the sentencing for these two prostitution charges. Even if he gets off with time served (no Diddy), I’d appeal that as a matter of principle. But I heard he might get five years. Damn! It’s probably for the best though that they didn’t let him walk right out of court just in time for the holiday weekend. There’s a lot of hotels near where the trial was held, and a lot of pharmacies that carry baby oil. The prospect of a celebratory freak-off may have been too tempting.