Never mind where Bill Belichick met his girlfriend

That's none of your business

Bill Belichick is worth millions of dollars, probably. Of course he’s not going to date a woman his own age.

As a state employee, his salary is a matter of the public record For some reason, he’s the head football coach at the University of North Carolina, after having been the head coach of the New England Patriots for over 20 years. Did he take a college coaching job to meet sexy coeds?

If I had the credentials, I might take a job as a college lit professor just to offer hot chicks an opportunity to improve their grades, during my office hours, regardless of whether they showed up to class. I wouldn’t come right out with it. I’d merely convey the sense that I might be willing to do something like that, via my aura, and let them suggest it.

In general, women are a lot more likely to agree with something if they think it’s their idea.

Legally, states are required to list the salaries of public employees. This helps prevent teachers from getting overpaid, since they’re not teaching kids anything anyway. (I’d be fine with them making as much money as they want to make, but only if I’m not required to contribute.)

I checked Missouri’s registry back during the glory days of blogging, when you were still allowed to say certain words. The highest paid employees were college football coaches. Apparently, that’s the case in most states.

In addition to whatever they’re paying him in North Carolina, I’m sure Belichick has millions of dollars from when he was the coach of the Patriots. They won several Super Bowls. Some years, they cheated. Patriots owner Robert Kraft probably gave him a bonus those years.

Kraft, you’ll recall, once got caught coming out of a Rub ‘N Tug—fortunately, not the one in Atlanta that got shot up by a young CAC who tried to do NoFap and must have gone crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Belichick occasionally got his joint worked on as well. No Kanye. Is that where he met his girlfriend?

For the past year or so, he’s been stepping out with this girl Jordon Hudson, who’s 24 years old. She looks way older than 24 to me, but otherwise she’s legit—unlike this girl who’s suing Shannon Sharpe. Would I score with Shannon Sharpe’s accuser? Of course I would. But I don’t have a $100 million deal with ESPN.

Belichick has a book coming out. I of course pre-ordered. He went on one of these morning shows to promote it, and they must have tried to play him like Gayle King did Arruh. Something similar also once happened to Bill Cosby.

Many suspect that the interviewer was told beforehand that he wasn’t allowed to ask Belichick where he met his girlfriend. He did anyway, forcing the girlfriend, who was standing nearby, off camera, to have to correct the guy. They do that sometimes, to try to land a “scoop.” They may have even heard a rumor of where Belichick found her and were just trying to get him to confirm.

It seems unlikely to me that Belichick met Hudson doing something strange for some change. If he did, it would be easy enough to just lie about it. He could just claim that he met her at a Panera (known in the STL as BreadCo). A lot of strippers eat at Panera. They love that broccoli soup in a bread bowl, which they think is healthy because it’s soup, and the lemonade with extra caffeine in it, which gives them the energy needed to work the pole.

It’s more likely that Hudson was an employee of the school, or the Patriots, thus presenting a potential sexual harassment liability if they ever break up and she needs to get some money out of him. Under Title IX, which Trump and Elon have yet to get rid of (what are they waiting on?!), the school would be forced to find Belichick guilty of any and all accusations up to and including starting the Chicago fire (which was started by a woman) in a kangaroo court tribunal. Then where is he supposed to work?

If there’s a lesson to be learned here, it’s that, if you make enough money to have a girlfriend who’s significantly younger than you are, you need to have a story about how the two of you met. Get it vetted by a lawyer (I’m not saying which kind) and rehearse it, in case you’re asked about it on TV. It might even make sense to purposely discuss it in the media, to get it on the record, in case it’s ever brought up in court for some reason.