If Kamala Harris suddenly appears on the Joe Budden Podcast, from which I get my news, repeatedly shouting the dreaded n-word and pretending to like godawful R&B artists no one ever heard of, we’ll know it’s not because he agrees with throwing black women in prison for not sending their kids to school.
Although, maybe he does. It’s a good idea.
Word on the street is that Kamala is sliding black podcasters large sums of money to appear on their shows and, presumably, for them to shill for her campaign. Dr. Umar, for one, said she offered him $10,000 for an interview, and that she’s already paid Steve Harvey and Rickey Smiley.
Dr. Umar doesn’t have a podcast, so I’m not sure how that would work. Would the two of them go live on Instagram from the front seat of a Ford Fusion parked outside of a check cashing place and debate interracial dating? We already know where she stands.
Would it be necessary for Kamala to submit her payment in the form of hundreds of $20 gift cards to delicious chain restaurants like Applebee’s and Chili’s, as a donation to the Malcolm X Marcus Garvey School for Boys?
It’s customary for black women to send Dr. Umar noodz on his birthday. Kamala might want to keep that in mind, if she decides to enter his orbit, so to speak. The other day, he was on Live talking about all the noodz he’d received. Was it even his birthday, or does he just say that once every few weeks?
I’d do the same thing, if I thought it would work.
But I digress.
It might not be a bad idea for Umar to cultivate a relationship with Kamala, on the outside chance she’s elected. If he turns down her offer, and she wins, the IRS might decide to have a look at the finances of that school. She’s thrown black men in prison for lesser offenses than tax evasion.
After it came out that Kamala was trying to go live (and possibly to an Outback Steakhouse) with Dr. Umar, I saw where Tariq Nasheed offered both Kamala and Donald Trump an opportunity to have a conversation with him at his Hidden History Museum. He wasn’t requesting a fee for either of them to appear, but I’m sure he’d be more than happy to accept a payment.
If the museum has a screening room, perhaps they could watch the powerful film Buck Breaking and then discuss whether there’s an ongoing conspiracy to emasculate black men. Tim Walz put tampons in boys restrooms in schools in Minnesota, so it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t attend.
I watched Buck Breaking on Amazon Prime with a voucher I got in exchange for waiting a few extra days for my Degree antiperspirant to show up. (I was willing to make that sacrifice.) I found it to be both as ridiculous as people said it was and a lot better than you’d think it would be. You might want to have a look.
Donald Trump has been making the rounds of random podcasts, discussing what it feels like to be on cocaine with Theo Von, so he might take Tariq Nasheed up on his offer. On X f/k/a Twitter, where Trump recently did a Spaces with Elon Musk, Tariq implied that the former president was the more likely of the two of them.
Dr. Umar said he’d be willing to talk to Kamala for free. He can’t be having people think he can be bought for $10,000. He’s already got a trunk full of gift cards, racy Polaroids, wadded up dollar bills and what have you, so what does he need with another sweaty handful? Also, he might feel a sense of urgency, given who she’s married to.