I refuse to believe that Dr. Umar is a deadbeat

Not King Kong Consciousness!

Why would Dr. Umar Johnson, the Prince of Pan Afrikanism, refuse to be present in the lives of his children, when he’s been such an influential presence in my own life, and the lives of so many Internets users?

We know for a fact that he keeps a stack of gift cards to chain restaurants favored by discerning African-Americans, like Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s, in the front seat of his Nissan Sentra. It simply doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t use one of them to treat his progeny while haranguing them about interracial dating.

Even if it meant getting one of those deals where you get an appetizer, two entrees and a dessert for $20, i.e. roughly the same price as a carton of eggs these days. Those deals are really intended for couples on a date, but I’m sure he wouldn’t be the first person to use one of them on his children.

He doesn’t have to worry about people thinking he’s been reduced to dating middle-school-age girls as if he were Arruh. He’s the most requested black scholar in the history of academia. How do you think he ended up with random kids all over the place in the first place?