Akademiks got a weird charge, why is he around?
Certified lover boy, certified sandwich aficionado
The bad news is that DJ Akademiks has been sued for non-con sex and defamation. The good news is that he hasn’t been accused of doing anything teh ghey.
Somewhere, I’m sure he’s breathing a sigh of relief, despite the potential threats to his livelihood and maybe even his freedom.
A proud Jamaican, I don’t know if he could live with people thinking he’d been involved sexually with another guy. I could relate to him when he started crying when that teh ghey rapper threatened to put a shoe on him and then have steamy non-con sex with him, not because there’s anything wrong with that—I mean, if that’s what you want to do with your life—but because that’s how much I’m against sexual assault. I simply will not tolerate it.
That guy was big. No Diddy. I could take him out, but I wouldn’t risk it. I might have to take off running, and I hope the Internets would understand. Akademiks, on the other hand, might be shit out of luck. He’s not a small guy, but he’s soft. You can tell by the way he was holding that microphone, in the video where Migos almost got into it with Joe Budden, like an hors d’oeuvre sausage at a holiday office party, looking around the room like he hoped the police might be there.
I consulted the Google re: the girl who’s accusing the DJ of hitting that without explicit permission, for the sake of music journalism. She’s more or less height-weight proportional, which makes her one of only a very small handful of black women over the age of 14 in that category, even in the age of Ozempic. (Seriously, why?) She’s not bad-looking, but she’s not anyone I’d pay to make sweet, passionate love to.
There’s a lot of pictures of her on the Internets, and she’s not smiling in a single one of them. I wonder if she was frowning like that when Akademiks was scoring with her. I mean, the times when he was allowed to. Supposedly, they were an item, of sorts, for a couple of years before the alleged incident. She’d stop by his house every once in a while. If I were his lawyer, I’d definitely make note of that. She claims they found traces of his DNA in her system. Well, of course they did!
Akademiks claims that she got tag-teamed by a couple of his homeboys, Legion of Doom-style, in a hot tub while he was taking a nap and then tried to front about it the next day. You’ll recall that something similar happened to Max Fischer in the movie Rushmore. The kindergarten teacher at his school, whom he was trying to get with, gave Bill Murray a handy in a pool while Fischer was taking a nap. Therefore, we can confirm that this is something women do. Life really does imitate art.
When Akademiks showed her the video of her being violated in a hot tub, she claimed that she had no idea and that she must have been drugged. I wonder if they penetrated her from both ends like a pair of Chinese handcuffs and then high-fived while inside of her, which is known in some corners of the Internets as an Eiffel Tower. Certainly, I can see why she would be embarrassed. But why is she suing Akademiks and not them?
Akademiks should almost be suing her. He may have raw-dogged her, thinking she hadn’t just been pounded out by a couple of weed carriers. Weed carriers, by their very nature, don’t have as much choice about whom they score with. They score with girls Akademiks rejects, possibly because they’re not clean. You can’t tell if a girl has VD just by looking at her, but you can get a sense of what might be going on downstairs based on how she grooms herself. Are her toenails clipped? Does it look like she did it herself?
The other good news, aside from the straight nature of the allegations, is that the police looked into the matter and have already determined that no crime was committed. The girl’s lawyer is the same guy who’s representing Lil Rod, the producer who claims that Diddy stuck a finger in his asshole while they were working on an album and that Cuba Gooding Jr. was somehow involved. He’s obviously just making things up.
Diddy is trying to get his case thrown out. If he succeeds, hopefully they also toss out Akademiks’ case. I’d suggest he also try to get some money out of her, but something tells me she doesn’t have any. There’s one other way she might be able to compensate him, but the judge would never go for it. Alas.
This is the music journalism that Rolling Stone is too afraid to touch. Bravo, Bol.